When I saw this jacket I knew that I would be wearing it. I didn't know how to get it, on the one hand it was very expensive for me at that point, and on another hand it had some defects. For a couple weeks I was looking in several stores, making attempts to find the same jacket, but I returned to this one. Regardless of the defect I made the decision to buy it and when I was about to pay, the cashier saw the defects and sold it to me almost for free.
I fell in love with this jacket. When I came home I immediately started to do what I intended to when buying it. I started to film a clip. The theme of my film was my long struggle against immigration authorities. The main task was to put homophobia on the agenda, which is taking place in the world, and migration authorities do not always take an objective position towards that fact. At the time of the film release it had been 1200 days since the start of my fight for the right to be in a safe country. The right that my partner and I were deprived of.
This jacket has been with me in all significant situations. In this jacket I went to the Stockholm Pride parade, in the same jacket I went to the Migration Board and the Migration Court. It was in this jacket immigration authorities took me into custody. On January 21, 2016 when the immigration authorities tried to deport me, I was standing in this jacket at the airport with handcuffs on my wrists. In this jacket I left prison, after the Swedish society had risen to my defense. For me this jacket has become a symbol of resistance, as well as a symbol of faith in a brighter future.
And later being in this jacket I spoke at a large demonstration, telling what I had to go through. The story ended happily and this jacket will always be a reminder that you never should give up. And you always find strength to go on fighting even when all seems lost.”
From the archive, original quote.
“‘Unstraight is the future. I hope you are brave enough to use it,’ said Ylva-Maria, handing over a bag of tools for casting women’s genitals.
At the opening of Pride House during Stockholm Pride 2012, The Unstraight Museum received its very first donation – from keynote speaker Ylva-Maria Thompson. Two days later, the kit still remains unused. But who knows. The future is ours, after all…”
From the archive, English translation. Collected in 2012.
“I always believed that if I recorded the names of all the people I had slept with, then I could never forget their names. I thought that if I didn’t forget their names then I could never be called a whore. Now I keep it for more sentimental reasons. I look at this list and instead of seeing a list of names, I see a list of memories. If someone wants to call me a whore, I don’t care. I have learned that the memories I make and who I make them with have nothing to do with other people’s opinions.
The other main thing I see when I look at this list is a certain and definite shift of when I stopped sleeping with men and started sleeping with women and that the list of men ends, but the list of women always grows. Where the names of men end and the names of women begin was the beginning of the rest of my life.”
From the archive, original quote.
“It was a beautiful April day, spring comes early in the Middle East, and already in April the cherry blossom outside the window was in full bloom. The small but beautiful student room was filled with sunlight. The air was light and refreshing, carrying a pleasant chilly breeze. We were young, we were in love. And our bodies were too small to keep it all inside.
It was not the first kiss but maybe the first special one, followed by another kiss and then another. Maybe it was the special one out of which two bodies become one, hands searching other hands, together entering the unknown world of love, joy and beauty.
When my roommate entered the room and found us tightly holding each other, all the good and beautiful I knew disappeared. She was shouting: ‘sick’, ‘ugly’, ‘immoral’, ‘selfish’ … the words kept spinning in my head and it took me ages to get rid of the shame and guilt those words planted in me.
I still wonder if I should consider this day as a beautiful memory or a sad one, it is definitely an unforgettable one. This top does not belong to me, but to the woman I was in love with. This top is a memory of that day, a day of love and sorrow. The day I discovered love is not spread fairly in this world.
I, who still fall in love with women and still loves to fall in love in April.”
From the archive, original quote.
“This is from the first love, though not the first gift. It shall always stay with me. It gives me strength to fight the life that is not easy. I met my boyfriend in 2009. We wanted to give each other a gift, as a symbol of our love. The love that was not supposed to be heard or seen by other people. He knew I loved silver and bought this silver bracelet for me. I’ve been wearing it ever since. This bracelet means a lot to me.
When I was fleeing my country, traveling with smugglers from Kurdistan to Sweden, in the forests, through mountains, in Turkey, in Bulgaria and Serbia, in a border prison in Hungary with handcuffs on my wrists and so many other places. All the time I kept this bracelet and whenever I look at it, I think of all good and bad memories. Good and bad memories of love and life. I think it is very beautiful when people keep the gifts they receive from their loved ones.”
From the archive, original quote.
“When I was 12 I realized I was gay. I only liked guys. I was always looking at guys, not girls. There was a lot of unanswered love in my life. But a year ago I found my love. His name was Anton. He was the only person I loved sincerely. So did he. Yet our love was not destined to last forever. Anton was gay, but hid it from people around him. In the beginning I was playing his game because I loved him so much. I always thought a person should be open, first of all open to himself. And he should not conceal his nature. As a result we broke up a year after our first meeting.
Last time I saw him was on May 9th. We met accidentally during the Victory Day parade. He was handsome as usual. He was with his new boyfriend. We chatted for a bit. In the end I asked for a lighter. It was pink. The pink lighter I had bought him once. He was in a hurry. So he did not wait for me to light my cigarette, instead he said, ‘Take it! You can give it back later!’
The same day I was attacked because of my sexual orientation. And two days later I left Russia in order to save my life.
I have not seen Anton since.”
From the archive, original quote.
“My story is that I have been on female hormones since 1966. In the beginning, I had to get them on the black market. I’m 79 now and get them from my doctor. Times have changed.”
From the archive, part of Unstraight Perspectives @ Vietnam. Original quote.
“All those persuasive, threatening and hateful messages sent by my husband after he found out I was in love with a woman and wanted a divorce were kept in this phone number. It’s too full to store any more of his messages.”
From the archive, part of Unstraight Perspectives @ Vietnam. Original quote.
“The bath lies at the very end of the Saltsjöbanan line, surrounded by villas, the Grand Hotel and expensive boats. In the café you can order a glass of white wine and a shrimp sandwich, and you’ll need to pay an entrance fee to get in. But if you can overlook that, behind the door of the pale‑blue building the sea awaits – together with the soft wooden decking to stretch out on. It’s a place free of judgmental glances, where elderly ladies look as though they’ve swum there every day for the past 103 years (since it opened in 1913). It offers a chance simply to inhabit your body, to relish how it feels: the suppleness, the weight, the skin. How it smells when it sweats, when the sun has warmed it. How your hair grows more tangled with every dip. And there’s a diving tower!”
Greta Weibull on Saltsjöbaden’s cold‑water bathhouse and the freedom of women‑only baths. Quoted in Stockholm Region Unstraight – Greta, Stockholm County Museum, 2016. English translation.
“This is an important to me since it is the gift that I got from my boyfriend on the first day of work, at the Alliance Against LGBT Discrimination.”
Från the archive, original quote. Collected from Tirana, Albanien.
Cafés and pastry shops have long been unofficial yet public meeting places for unstraight people. In mid-20th century Stockholm, several cafés played this role. It’s said that waitresses often took an active part – seating solitary guests at the same table.
Lesbisk Front was founded in 1975 by radical lesbian activists as an alternative to RFSL. Influenced by the growing women’s movement, they organized demonstrations, lectures, and political actions. In one protest, they stormed the stage of a Stockholm sex club that had advertised a “lesbian sex show” and unfurled a banner that read: “Stop degrading lesbian women!”
In 1979, they opened the Women’s House on Snickarbacken in central Stockholm, which became a key location for feminist organizing. It later moved to Blekingegatan and remained active until 2005.
“I have a habit of buying a ring for myself when I break up with a person I love to have a memory of them, or I buy one while we are still together. I have 3 rings and 3 exes. My rings are something like a symbol that reminds me they still exist even after they are gone. It happened that we went to buy a black ring for me with my first boyfriend while we were still dating. It has always been on my hand even after we broke up and I used to play with it and remember him. It's already been two years that I have my rings and they are always with me. My rings have names, each named after one of my ex-boyfriends. Every morning I say their names while I put on my rings and wish us all a good day.”
Ur arkivet, original quote.
In the early 20th century, men looking to meet other men would leave anonymous messages in public toilets around Stockholm. A “handsome, horny gentleman” might suggest meeting at the Royal Dramatic Theatre – with a white slip of paper or a flower in the buttonhole as a way to recognize one another. These urinals also became spaces for sharing experiences and warning others about men who weren’t safe.
Bengt Claudelin, a museum worker at the Hallwyl Palace, spent his free time documenting the graffiti in notebooks. Today, the Hallwyl Museum has digitized the material, and during Pride, guided city walks are held on the theme.
“I was 4 years old when the girls living next door explained to me what sex is. Maybe they were interested in talking about sex because they had seen how their mother and father were having sex. This is something that I have never seen because I have always lived with my mom only. When they explained it to me I decided that I was a boy and I should therefore love and make love to the girls. At the same period my mom gave me a doll as a New Year’s present, a very beautiful one, which could also walk. In this doll I saw the girl whom I could love as a boy. I kept this toy for many years, trying to make it more beautiful by doing make up on its‘ face. My doll had a very expressive female body and I was kissing its body parts, lips, and in my childish imagination I was having sex with it. My grandma and mom often caught me kissing my doll. They kept telling me not to do that but I never stop loving my doll.”
From the archive, original quote.
Tyresövallen, once known as Bollmoravallen, has been home to Tyresö FF since the 1960s. In the 2010s, it became one of the most talked-about venues in European women’s football, host-ing stars like Marta Vieira da Silva, Caroline Seger, and Linda Sembrant in front of thousands of fans.
For a long time, you couldn’t find LGBTQ+ literature in Stockholm’s regular bookstores. That’s why queer bookshops became important – not just for books, but as spaces for identity, activism, and community.
Rosa Rummet started as a book table at RFSL in the early 80s. When RFSL moved, some of the lesbian staff opened Medusa, a bookstore focused on feminist and lesbian literature. In 2006, Hallongrottan opened in Hornstull. Part bookshop, part hangout, it hosted readings, ping pong and political discussions. The shop closed in 2013, but if you walk along Bergsundsgatan, the sign is still there.
“This was a nice attempt to change the law of sperm donations in Sweden in the 1980s. It was posted in Stockholm, Sweden in the 1980s by Lesbian Feminist.”
From the archive, original quote.
“This songbook is part of the lively history of the lesbian feminists in Sweden around 1970-1985. A fun time. We made a lot happen.”
From the archive, original quote.
“Flags follow you everywhere you go with many colorful people around you. There is nothing better than meeting people and having a great time. Everyone expresses their thoughts showing their nudity! I don’t know where to look, and I don’t want to miss a thing or a face. I get emotional from all the love. The youth, the kisses, the children. Everyone sharing these special moments and painting their life in color.
I lose myself in the crowd of all the amazing people, living in the moment, looking around to find someone. All rainbows, all promises, all joy. I reach into my pockets and find that they are full of flyers, candy and condoms. Breathing and experiencing freedom. This is where you live your dream, don’t care anymore about what people think. All fears disappear. Attending your first Pride makes you happy!”
From the archive, original quote.
“These were our temporary engagement rings. My then girlfriend now wife, bought them in a store for cheap accessories. And they don’t even fit. About the material, I guess its steel but I don’t know. The proposal was very spontaneous and when I ask my wife about it nowadays she just retells: ‘I just can’t and won’t live without you’. Luckily these rings are replaced and the new one I wear every day. Anywhere I go.
I’ve been traveling to a lot to countries where LGBTQ people, their lives and experiences are not recognized. Often when filling out visa applications I stumble upon the question: ‘Are you married?’, thinking: ‘Yes I am, but wouldn’t be in this country’. So am I or not? Yes and No. In these situations I always feel very privileged to be able to live with the one I love without major oppression. In this way my life in Sweden is great. Sure, I’ve dealt with homophobia and harassment of myself as a woman. But never in a violent way such as many other LGBTQ people have, leading up to them being forced to hide or flee.
I really wish for the world to be a safe and peaceful place for all of us, everywhere, regardless of gender, sexuality, ethnicity or religion. I wish for people to be able to live openly and freely. I hope that in the future I will be able to fill in ‘married’ anywhere I go. Until then, I’ll keep fighting our fight. Love is love, and we all need love in our life.”
From the archive, original quote.
“This food processor, we received as a wedding present from my cousins and aunts when we got married in 2004.
The wedding gift represents the fact that we feel that our relationship is fully respected. The food processor is also an important part of our ‘gay life’, we often meet our friends at home in our kitchen. Our machine has been part in creating many cheerful dinners.”
From the archive, original quote.
Some members, particularly lesbians, began to voice criticism of the male dominance within both Timmy and Huset. This frustration led to the formation of the separatist group Lesbisk Nu! (internally known as Ellen), which broke away to create its own events and political space outside the RFSL framework.
In March of 1972, Kretsen and Diana merged to form Club Timmy at Timmermansgatan 24. Timmy soon became synonymous with RFSL Stockholm.
Throughout the 1970s and 80s, the club grew rapidly. On many weekend nights, it was so packed they had to turn people away. In 1988, Timmy moved into a former theatre on Sveavägen 59, known simply as “The House”. It became home to a café, bookstore, restaurant, and nightclub.
Diana and Kretsen were founded in 1957 as two separate branches within RFSL Stockholm: Diana for women, Kretsen for men.
They hosted dance nights and social events across the city, offering many their first safe queer space in the 1950s and ’60s.
Grotta Azzurra, often described as Sweden’s first speakeasy, was located on Grev Magnigatan in Östermalm and stayed open from midnight to 5 a.m.
The small, piano-equipped venue served soda, fried eggs, and ham, while guests brought their own alcohol.
Popular among the city’s cultural elite, it became an early refuge for gender-nonconforming expression and queer social life.
For over a century, Berns has been a space for queer expression. As early as 1886, drag performer Sigge Wulff appeared on its stage, and in the 1950s, Karl Gerhard performed there regularly. Gerhard shared his life with his secretary Göthe Ericsson. In a 1992 interview, Gerhard’s adoptive daughter described her upbringing with two fathers as warm and loving.
In the 1980s, RFSL hosted popular women’s parties at Club BZ across the street – a highlight of Pride Week. When the dance floor got too sweaty, they opened the roof.
In the early 2000s, Högkvarteret was one of several key gathering spots for queer and lesbian communities around Nytorget in Stockholm. Tucked into a basement between the restaurant Roxy and the local pool hall, the space hosted nights of queer stand-up, live music, and ping-pong. Sometimes, a fake mustache was all you needed to get in. Over time, Högkvarteret evolved into a nomadic artist collective that created temporary spaces for conversation, culture, and activism.
“Is it hard to walk in 15 cm high heels? How about dancing?
These were the first high-heeled shoes I ever bought. When I tried them on in the shop, a crowd gathered around me, watching as I took each step. They didn’t understand what was going on—and I didn’t mind. In a way, it felt like a victory over my shyness.
The only thing I recall clearly is the salesperson’s compliment: “You wear them better than any woman I’ve seen!”
These shoes were the first pair I used when I started performing in a gay club as a go-go dancer. Later I was wearing them when performing in a cover band with two girls, by then I was not only dancing in gay clubs. People were looking at me without estrangement, but with admiration. At me, on stage, under the spotlights. My dancing career started with these shoes, with these shoes it also ended.”
From the archive, original quote.
“I was a friend to all of the girls, we even went to the toilet together in school as girls do. And I looked like a girl. I was thin, had long hair. And my only toys were dolls.
When my parents went out I often wore my mother's dresses, shoes, and lipstick. Then I had beautiful lips and long hair made from pantyhose that I put on my head.
All is perfect in childhood. Life is fun and carefree. But when getting older, the problems arise. My body and voice changed, I really didn’t like it. I was annoyed, I often cried.
One day I told my parents that I wanted to change my sex. My mother said that if that’s what I’ll do, “then we’ll reject you, and you better not come back home”. She also said; “I do not want to live with the shame that my son who was a boy 31 years, then became a woman”. She advised me to go to a psychiatrist.
But I'm not mentally ill. I could be in harmony with my body. I have a dream, to wake up one day in a woman's body, as if I was a woman from birth and life before would just be a dream that would eventually be forgotten.
In my heart I carry pain and sorrow, no one sees me cry and nobody hears, because I constantly have to hide, to be who I’m not. I am tired of living such a life. I so want to feel happy. I want to be loved and to love. My story isn't over yet.”
From the archive, original quote.
“These are my tango shoes. I did not learn how to dance tango, but I danced with a girl, and that’s how I met my love.”
From the archive, original quote.
Titled Lesbian National Anthem, the song originates from the Lesbisk Nu! songbook. It was re-recorded in 2025 for this exhibition by the women’s choir Sapphonia, organised by Frida Andreasson.
Our museum needs more friends!
Unstraight Friends is a membership for anyone who wants to support us and our work. You don’t need to contribute to the archive yourself – it’s enough that you believe more stories deserve to be seen.
We’re not tied to any institution and we operate as a non-profit. By becoming a member, you help keep the work going. You’ll get updates on what we’re doing, and invitations to exhibitions, talks, and workshops.
And it costs only 100 SEK per year.
Join at unstraight.org <3
This exhibition, Unstraight Memories, is built on contributions to the museum’s archive. The archive holds nearly 600 stories and objects, gathered through open calls, conversations, workshops, and collaborations with people in Sweden and around the world. Many contributions are anonymous. All are deeply personal.
Want to share your own story? Visit unstraight.org
Unstraight Memories is a new exhibition from The Unstraight Museum. It draws from our growing archive and was developed to reach a wider public – while also inviting others to contribute their own stories.
The exhibition highlights memories that are often overlooked: everyday moments, embodied experiences, collective joy and resistance. These stories offer another way of mapping queer history. Through memories ranging from Stockholm’s narrowest alleys to its grandest boulevards, we also reveal a side of the city few ever knew.
The exhibition is organized into three parts:
– “The Living Room”, featuring stories of daily life, care, and queer community.
– “The Dance Floor” explores identity, movement, and nightlife as spaces of freedom.
– “In Between Spaces” captures what doesn't quite fit.
This is the first edition of Unstraight Memories – and we hope it won’t be the last. Want to help us make future versions possible?
Visit unstraight.org to learn how to support us.
Unstraight Memories exists thanks to the people who shared their stories, and to the collaborators who helped bring this exhibition to life.
Special thanks to: design and communication agency Studio Dim, QRAB – The Queer Movement’s Archive and Library, RFSL, the Hallwyl Museum, Saltsjöbaden’s Local History Society, the Women’s Choir Sapphonia, the City of Stockholm, and På Sergels torg. Thanks also to Ulf Petersson, Pia Laskar and everyone else whose dedication made this possible.
The Unstraight Museum is a participatory museum and non-profit organization based in Sweden. Our mission is to bring LGBTQ+ lives into the cultural record by collecting and sharing personal stories that are often overlooked or excluded from traditional history.
We began during EuroPride in Stockholm in 2008, when a group of museum professionals had enough of institutions that talked about inclusion but failed to act. In 2011, we became a formal association with a clear goal: to preserve and amplify stories that risk being forgotten.
Since then, we’ve grown through collaborations with artists, activists, and community organizers. In 2024, we worked with photographer Dawood and local activists in Cairo, Alexandria and Aswan, to collect stories of gender nonconformity in Egypt. We’ve also supported projects in countries like Vietnam, Serbia, Uganda, and Poland. In Sweden, we regularly collaborate with cultural institutions, and grassroots initiatives.
The Unstraight Museum is a museum in motion. We don’t have a physical building – but we exist in our digital archive, in conversations, and in the contributions people choose to share. Today, that archive holds nearly 600 personal entries, and our traveling exhibition formats bring them to new places and new audiences.
Read more at unstraight.org or share your own story
In the 1960s, there were no official spaces for trans people in Sweden. But through a personal ad in the magazine Raff, Eva-Lisa Bengtsson and Erika Sjöman connected and, in 1964, founded Transvestia – the country’s first club for trans people. It began as a mail-based network but soon became a physical meeting place for trans people, fetishists, lesbians, bisexuals, and others looking for community.
“The outside world might have called us bizarre,” Eva-Lisa later wrote, “but I feel a special tenderness for those who dare to whisper their innermost dreams only in my ears.”
A year after Transvestia’s final party in 1968, Jerry and Märta opened a basement venue on Folkungagatan. Jerry’s Ladies’ Club hosted Friday night parties and quickly became a new home for many from the Transvestia circle. Butch and femme expressions existed side by side without explanation. Jerry became a trusted and central figure to many in the group. After a chaotic New Year’s party in 1971, the club was forced to shut down.
" كنت في طريقي إلى حفل زفاف مرتديًا جلباب، في محطة الأتوبيسات لم أجد أي سائق متجهة إلى مكان حفل الزفاف. لوح لي رجل في الأربعين من عمره لكني تجاهلته، لن أفسد مظهري الرائع والزي من أجل القليل من المتعة. جاء وقال "صباح الخير"، التفت إليه مثل الملكة وأجبت "أهلاً"، ضحك وسألني إذا كنت بحاجة إلى توصيلة. وجدت أنه مُتجه في نفس طريقي. خلال الرحلة اشترى لي شوكولاتة، وعصير، والسجائر. عندما وصلنا إلى الطريق السريع بدأ يلمسني ونزلت عليه لمدة ساعة ونصف. لن أقول أي شيء عن حجمه لكنه كان في حجم الذراع. قذفت على جلبابي، ووصلت إلى حفل الزفاف ببقع مرئية ومشية غير مستقيمة."
"بعد ان خضعت إلى جراحة تصحيح الجنس الأولى، وجاء وقت الكشف الطبي لخدمة التجنيد الإجباري، كنت أرى على وجوههم عدم الارتياح لوجود امرأة تقوم بالكشف، وطلبوا مني القدوم اليوم التالي. في نفس الليلة وصلتني مكالمة من ضابط في القوات المسلحة وقال لي "محتاجين نتكلم عن الكشف الطبي بتاعك بكره، ممكن نتقابل بليل في مكان عام وهيكون معانا مراتي"، ذهبت إلى المقابلة في نفس الليلة وهمست الزوجة في أذني قائلة " محتاجة تحلقي شعر جسمك قبل الكشف بكره".
" كنت لسه عارف ناس جايز زيي جديد، ومرة خدوني كافيه في وسط البلد أسمه " ام كلثوم" وعرفت انه مكان للجايز من طبقة اجتماعية متوسطة وتحتها، المكان كان 4 أدوار، وكان متقسم، الدور الأرضي وفيها منطقة الشارع اننا قاعدين علي ترابيزة في الشارع بيكون للأشخاص اللي شكلها نمطي أو " رجالة " وكل ما تطلع دور فوق كل ما بيقل الشكل الرجولي وتبدأ تشوف ناس مش سيز جندر، لحد ما توصل الدور الأخير او الروف وهناك بتقابل الناس الترانس أو الغير نمطيين. أوقات كان القهوجي لما يلاقي حد شكله غير نمطي كان بيقترح عليهم انهم ينقلوا للدور الفلاني عشان البوليس لو عدي او عشان محدش في الشارع يضايقهم، او لو حد طلع على السلم كان بيقولهم اه انتوا الدور التاني و انتوا الدور التالت وهكذا"
" أتذكر جيدًا أول قبلة، كنت في حانة في وسط المدينة " كارلتون"، مع زملاء العمل وأول شاب اُقبله، كان يُشبه المسيح، بدأنا في محادثة عميقة وبعد عدة كؤوس، همس في أذني "هو ممكن أبوسك؟"، وهمست "استنى"، وانتظرنا حتى أخر السهرة، في المصعد ونحن في طريقنا للدور الأرضي قال "البوسة بتاعك اهي"، وبدأنا بتقبيل بعضنا وكأننا وحدنا في هذا العالم، لحظة تجمد فيها الوقت، وان مُت الآن كنت سيجدني الموت في قمة سعادتي. لكننا نسينا ان هناك زميل عمل مغاير الجنس معنا في المصعد، اكتشفنا هذا في وسط القبلة ولكننا قررنا الاستمرار. في اليوم التالي وجدت كل زملائي في حالة همهمة واشمئزاز بينهم، خاصة مجموعة الذكوريين بعد معرفتهم بميولي، الأمر أخذ منهم بعض الوقت واستطيع ان أقول انهم الان على ما يرام."
" أنا أحب أخي الصغير حتى الموت، أما أخي الأكبر فهو قصة مختلفة تمامًا، القصة بدأت عندما كنا صغار ونلعب الغميضة، كان عمري 13 سنة وهو أكبر مني بسنتين، كان يريد ممارسة الجنس معي في كل مرة، استمر الأمر لبضعة سنوات. أول علاقة لي مع شخص أخر، دخل أخي علينا وقام بطرد الشخص، وانهار بالبكاء وهو يقول " أنا أسف، دي غلطتي من الأول، انا اللي خليتك كده."، أنا لا ألوم أخي على الأطلاق، أنا أجد حياتي بخير، لكن لا أعتقد أنني كنت سأكون مثلي الجنس لما ما فعله معي."
" صاحبتي كانت بتستنجد على جروب الواتس وبتقول أن في واحد شلف كان عاوز يحزبها بالعافيه وهي موافقتش راح معورها بالموس راحت امها فالسوسايتي قالتها تعالي دلوقتي تحت البيت المهم قولت اروح اتفرج ايه هيحصل رحنا منطقه اسمها عزبه الصفيح فالضاهريه هم من هناك ساكنين رحنا وراحت امها نازله وكانت لابسه عبايه دنايري وهي معروفه فالمنطقه كلها أن هي رقاصه ومدربة رقص شرقي ومشهور اوي راحت نازله وخدت بنتها راحو لبيت الواد الشلف ده وندت عليه مطلعش اخوه اللي طلع قالته أخوك الخول اخوك المتناك اخوك المعرص وقعدت تشتم ضرب بنتي هتنزل اخوك ولا اطلعلك ابهدلك انت وهو راح قالها ثواني وكان مرعوب ونزل اخوه فعلا راحت جايه الفنانه الجهره دي لطشاه قلمين وخلت بنتها بردو تلطشه قلمين وقالتلها تعوريه ف طيزه زي ما عورك وواحده فأيده زياده عشان ميمدش أيده على بنات تاني وعملوا كده فعلا وانا كنت مستغرب اوي والموضوع صعب اوي كانت أول مره فحياتي اشوف كده"
" كنت على شاطئ إسكندرية ورأيت رجلين بجانبي يمسكون ايدي بعضهم، وعندما لاحظوا انني رأيتهم تركوا أيديهم، ذهبوا إلى السباحة، وبدأوا احتضان وتقبيل بعضهم بعيدًا عن الشاطئ، لكني رأيتهم وابتسمت لهم ولا يظنوا أنني قد احكم عليهم، وقد رأيت السعادة عليهم"
" كنت في بداية تقبلي لميولي، تجرأت وقمت بتنزيل تطبيق Hornet"" وتعرفت على شاب عمره 28 سنة، اقترحت أن تكون المقابلة في مقهى ولكنه رفض وطلب أن المقابلة تكون في منزله وذهبت، كان مخيف قليلًا في الحقيقة، ظننت أنه سيقتلني او يضربني ولكنني قررت البقاء على أي حال وقررت أن لا أحكم على الأشخاص من مظهرهم، بعد العلاقة طلب ان نذهب فقد تصل والدته في أي وقت، أوصلني بدراجته النارية إلى موقف الأتوبيسات، قبل أن يذهب سألني إذا كان من الممكن استعمال هاتفي لمكالمة سريعة ووافقت، اللحظة التي كان هاتفي في يده، انطلق بدراجته، تجمدت قليًلا من الصدمة، عُدت إلى منزله وانتظرت في الخارج لساعات ولكن لم يظهر، ومنذ هذا اليوم وانا اخفي هاتفي ومحفظتي داخل حذائي"
" كنت في السابعة عشر من عمري، لم أذهب إلى المدرسة في أحد الأيام وقررت الذهاب لتصفيف شعري وتوجهت إلى أحد المقاهي واستمتع بوقتي، أثناء تواجدي في أحد الأماكن جاء رجل خليجي وقام برمي نقود على طاولتي وقال "اريدك"، سألت "يعني ايه؟"، قام برمي المزيد وكررها "اريدك"، استوعب انه يريد ان هذه النقود مقابل ممارسة الجنس معه، قمت بنداء أحد العاملين لطرد الرجل الخليجي، اعتذر العامل واختفى هو الرجل وبعد دقائق عاد العامل وقام بطردي انا من المكان"
" كنت نازل بضر اوي وكان يوم لطيف فشخ روحت متأخر اوي قبل الفجر بشويه وكنت راكب العجمي والعربيه بتعدي من طريق طويل كده وبليل ضلمه خالص اسمه الطريق الدولي و ع حظي كان فيه كمين وانا مروح الظابط فتح الباب وبص عالركاب ونزلني انا وست كنا ورا خالص كانت شاربه تقريبا او فيها حاجه غلط اتكلم معاها وخدها البوكس وجه الدور عليا راح مكلمني بالتي وقالي وانتي رايحه فين الوقت المتاخر ده قولتله مروح كنت ف فرح واتاخرت فالمواصلات شاف بطاقتي لقى عنوان غير اللي انا رايح ف اتجاهه قالي ورايحه فين كده بقى قولتله غيرنا العنوان من قريب لسه مغيرتش البطاقه والناس عماله تتفرج عليا وهو بيكلمني بالتي راح قالي طيب ي حلوه روحي ولو شوفتك الوقت المتاخر ده تاني هاخدك معايا البيت، ركبت وفضلت طول الطريق عامل نفسي نايم وعدى اليوم ولحد دلوقتي كل ما افتكر الموقف اضحك"
" كان والدي يعاملني على أنني ممسوس، لان العلاج التحولي – معالجة المثلية الجنسية- لم تظهر نتائجه، اجبرني على شرب مياه زمزم لمدة شهر وبعدها سألني "اتغيرت؟"، واجابته "لا، انت اتغيرت؟". "
" كانت تلك الليلة التي وجدت فيها الكريستال ميث رخيص جدًا، كان حوالي 500 جنيه مصري للجرام، في اليوم التالي جاءتني أزمة قلبية، كنت قد نمت فقط ساعتين، استيقظت بنبضات قلبي قوية، كان شعور سيئ استمر لحوالي 8 ساعات وقلبي ينبض بقوة، تذكرت هذا الدواء وساعدني على الهدوء، وتمكنت من النوم بعدها"
" في حفلة قمت بتنظيمها وكان بها أكثر من 50 رجل مثلي، وأحدهم فقد وعيه، اعتقد انه تعاطي الكثير من المخدرات وبدأ بالتقيؤ، وبعدها قام علاقة مش شخص أخر في الدور العلوي. من المعتاد أنه يوجد في كل غرفة مجموعة من الأشخاص يقومون بفعل شيء ما، أتذكر الآن أن كل غرفة كان بها حوالي شخصان، لم استطيع رؤية الوجوه، كان الظلام دامس، لكن كل غرفة بها شخصان يمارسان الجنس، ليست علاقة جنسية كاملة، أحيانًا كان الجنس فموي، رأيت بعضهم فقط يحتضنون بعضهم، كانت ليلة لطيفة ومليئة بالحب، وانا فخور بها"
" سمعت الكثير عن مكان للمقابلات قريب من "حديقة الميريلاند" في هليوبوليس وقررت الذهاب، وجدت أن الأشخاص اما جالسين حول سور الحديقة وآخرين في سيارتهم، وتبدأ السيارات بعمل إشارات معينة لتعبر عن إذا كنت موجب أو سالب"
" كنت انا وصديق في مطعم يقع على البحر. وبدأت حركة غريبة في المكان وبدأ بعض الأشخاص يقول لبعضهم الآخر " تعالى شوف"، وكانوا يشيرون إلى مكان وسط الصخور. رأيت ثلاثة رجال يمارسون الجنس الفموي. لم يهتم الرجال الثلاث بالمشاهدين. وعند انتهائهم، قاموا بارتداء ملابسهم ومروا من خلال المطعم ولم يمسهم أي شخص ولو بكلمة"
" ذهبت إلى الشاطئ مع عائلتي، وكنت في غرفة تغيير الملابس. ورأيت سيدة عارية تمامًا جالسة في أحد الأركان تنظر إلى الموجودات في المكان. اقتربت مني إحداهن وقالت لي " خلي بالك! شكلها سحاقية" "
"كانت أول سنة في الجامعة. ظننت أنني سأتمكن من إيقاع جميع الأساتذة في غرامي، ولكن الواقع كان أليمًا. في أول أسبوع، وجدت معظمهم إما متزوج، أو يفتقر للوسامة، وكلاهما. وفي السنة الثالثة تقربت إلى أحد الأستاذة الصغار بالسن، وبدأنا في الكلام والمقابلة، ووقعت في حبه. في حفل عيد ميلاده قررت ان اعترف بمشاعري تجاهه. اخترت هدية، وذهبت للحفل وقررت البقاء لنهاية الحفل. وعندما غادر أصدقاءه، قال "انا عايز اقولك حاجة." طار قلبي من الفرح، وظننت انه سيعترف بحبه لي، لكنه أخبرني ان سيغادر إلى تركيا الأسبوع القادم ولن يعود. كانت الصدمة وخيبة الأمل قويتان، ومن بعدها قررت عدم شراء هدية لأي رجل في حياتي.
انتقلت من جدة في المملكة العربية السعودية إلى أسوان في عام 2015. في ذلك الوقت كنت على علاقة برجل سعودي. كانت أسوان في نظري قرية صغيرة يعرف الجميع فيها بعضهم البعض وكأنه يتم مراقبتك باستمرار. اي خطأ بسيط يمكن أن يتحول إلى فضيحة ضخمة. شعرت بأنني محاصر للغاية، ودخلت في نوبات اكتئاب. حاولت العودة إلى السعودية ولكن تم رفض تأشيرتي.
كل يوم خميس كنت أذهب مع أصدقائي إلى نادي الشرطة، حيث قابلت ضابط شرطة أكبر سنًا وأصبحنا أصدقاء. أصدقائي وأصدقائه أيضًا لاحظوا قضائنا الكثير من الوقت معًا في النادي، وبسبب فارق العمر كان الأمر يدعو للتساؤل. كنت سعيدًا جدًا لرؤيته في كل مرة أذهب فيها إلى النادي. وذات يوم سألني أن نخرج في موعد غرامي، وكأن أفضل موعد غرامي، عشاء في مطعم فاخر، كان لطيفًا ورومانسيًا. بعد ذلك أوصلني إلى المنزل وقال لا يجب أن نتقابل في النادي بعد الآن حيث أن أصدقائه لديهم تساؤلات. وفي أحد الأيام أخذني إلى محل فضيات واشترى لنا خاتمين متطابقين محفورة عليهما أسمائنا. وبعد أسبوعين توقف عن الرد على مكالماتي ورسائلي وحظر رقمي. ذهبت إلى النادي لأكثر من شهر لكنه لم يكن هناك. وذات يوم اتصلت به من رقم هاتف مختلف، فقال لي " احنا مينفعش نتكلم تاني، انت شخص كويس بس علاقتنا ملهاش مستقبل، وأكيد في يوم هتتجوز وتعمل عيلة". وبدأ اكتئابي يسوء. اكتشفت لاحقًا أنه تزوج. ومنذ ذلك اليوم وأنا لا أثق بأحد.
كانت اول تجاربي كعامل بالجنس قبل عدة سنوات. قمت بالكتابة على إحدى الصفحات عن الخدمات التي أقدمها، وقام أحدهم بالتواصل معي، أخبرني أنه سيرسل سيارة لتأخذني إليه. وصلت السيارة وكان يغطي يده بضمادة سألته ماذا حدث؟ فأجاب "انه جرح صغير، لا تقلق". قمنا بقضاء الليلة معًا وغادرت في الصباح. كان لطيفًا معي ووعدني باللقاء مرة أخرى عندما يعود إلى القاهرة. راسلته بعدها للاطمئنان عليه وكانت إجابته "لا أظن أننا سنلتقي مرة أخرى، وأن الضمادة كان يستخدمها ليغطي الصليب على يده لأنه مسيحي.
عندما كنت أعيش في دبي مللت جدًا من الحياة المادية التي كنت أعيشها، كنت أنظر للمادة أكثر من أي شيء آخر، كنت أعيش داخل فقاعة، سئمت الحياة السهلة، والأمان، والمعايير المرتفعة، هذا المجتمع الجديد تمامًا ومختلف عن كل شيء هنا. عندما عُدت إلى القاهرة واجهت صدمة حضارية لعدة أسباب، أحداث مختلفة، أشخاص دخلوا حياتي وآخرون خرجوا منها
